a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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