I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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