Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
