I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
