Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
