Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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