I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
