I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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