got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
