We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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