He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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