hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
