Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
