I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
