Buhtt sex?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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