I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
