She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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