Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
