my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
