Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
