I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
