So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
