P.S. I can't hear my feet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
