i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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