Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
