Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
