i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
