Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
