There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
