Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
