So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
