Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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