My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
