i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
