That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
