Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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