i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
