That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
