his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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