So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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