We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
