make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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