Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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