The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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