i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
