I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
