Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
