What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
