So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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