Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
