Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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