okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My vagina is officially offended.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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