I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
