Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
