WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She even gives head with a lisp.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
